Charlotte's Web

A friend of mine asked me yesterday if I'd like to read her blog. I asked her if there was anything interesting on it. She said no, so I told her to let me know when there was. That may seem harsh but I'm not a big fan of reading "dear diary" blogs. "Today I walked my dog, Peanut, and he made number 2". "Yesterday I went to work and had tuna fish for lunch". You know the type. Don't get me wrong, I know my blog is exactly that. Difference being, I don't tell my friends to read my blog. If they ask me if I have a blog, I say no. If they happen to stumble randomly upon my blog, I pray they don't recognize me - you'll note that I don't use my full name here. If my friends did read this, they'd probably start correcting my spelling or some shit like that. And I feel it's vital that I be able to tell you about my dog's poo without censorship.

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

This week in Pennsylvania eleven families are in court protesting against the Dover board of education's decision last year to teach "Intelligent Design" as part of their science curriculum. You can read about the trial here. I have found my faith and chosen to throw my weight behind the "intelligent design" school of thought by joining the FSM church and becoming a Pastafarian. I have been touched by his Noodley Appendage.

Silly String

I recently watched the Nova program The Elegant Universe and despite being eminently unqualified to do so, I've been thinking a little about string theory over the last couple of days. String theory, in a nutshell, is a body of work that seeks to unite the four forces of nature (gravity, electromagnetism, the weak nuclear force, and the strong force). Achieving this goal is the holy grail of physics.

What I've been thinking about specifically, though, is this. String theory is widely criticized for being something that can not be proven or disproved since predictions it makes, such as the existence of extremely tiny 'strings' of energy or the existence of additional spacial dimensions, are far beyond our ability to detect. String theory, however, in so far as I understand it, also explains the phenomenon which are predicted by Einstein's theory of relativity and quantum mechanics (the combination of the two is referred to as 'the Standard Model'). It therefor seems to me that observations used to validate the Standard Model would just as easily validate string theory. So if string theory had come along 100 years ago - before relativity and quantum mechanics - these observations would have been used as evidence that string theory is correct and simpler models that may have come later would have been seen as mere approximations of already accepted science. Granted, there would still be many aspects of string theory that would be left to validate but wouldn't it be beholden upon later theories to disprove string theory rather then merely inventing new ways to describe the same data? Wouldn't a new theory have to make some verifiable prediction that string theory does not in order for it to displace string theory? Wouldn't such a theory then be in the same boat that string theory is currently in - a nice idea by not provable?

I'm sure my analysis is either vastly oversimplified or just dead wrong. Because, as I said, I am supremely ignorant about such matters. So hook me up if you know better than me!

Bumper Stickers

I saw both of these in one day:

"Don't spread germs; Wash Your Hands!"
"Buddha Bless America"

Godliness is next to cleanliness? Amen!

Writers on the Storm

So I watched the season premier of Gray's Anatomy tonight. This television show is set in Seattle and I have issues. Naturally, it's pouring rain in every outdoor scene. Because that's what it does in Seattle - rain. All the time, right?!. According to the show, there are thunderstorms in Seattle that rival those in the Transylvania of every garden variety Dracula movie. Because what would rain be without a good bolt of lightning to spark things up?! Also in the strange strange world of Grey's grey Seattle, the crickets are wild ass motherfuckers. They're going OFF; creaking.. and cracking.. and creaking some more. They all but drown out the sound of the pouring rain and thundering lightning storms!

If anyone reads this and knows someone who knows someone who works on the show.... please tell them that it doesn't POUR rain in Seattle. Never. It drizzles a lot, but only during the winter. Also, there are no thunder storms in Seattle. Ever. Well, okay, we have one every couple of years. But basically, no. No pouring rain, no thunder. Also, about the crickets, and you really shouldn't need me to tell you this, but they NEVER creak and crack in the middle of torrential down-pouring thunderstorms. Not in Seattle - not anywhere!

I Am Your Father, Luke

The approaching ski season is on my mind these days. Last season was largely a bust, what with the poor snowfall in the Northwest... and the accident.

What accident? WHAT ACCIDENT?! In Summit County, Colorado, on the first day of a week long ski trip, I was buzzing along making some real pretty high-speed perfectly carved turns when I tripped over an edge and SLAMMED onto my front side. A secret pact between the fall, a large plastic buckle on my pack, and the Dark Side lead to a couple of cracked ribs.

The altitude in Summit County is roughly 9000 feet above sea level, so anything that impedes your breathing can easily cause hypoxia - altitude sickness. I went to the clinic sick to my stomach from hypoxia and with enough pain to want to punch someone - if only I could swing without moving. I left with a case of Vicodin and my own personal oxygen machine with a Darth Vader speech impediment. For most of the week I wheeled my Darth Vader machine around the condo with a tube tethering it to my nose. Sucked.

So here's to a better tomorrow!

Breakfast in America

Steps required to brew coffee:

1. Empty old coffee
2. Dump old coffee filter
3. Replace empty carafe
4. Insert new coffee filter
5. Add coffee
6. Close filter holder
7. Add water
8. Press "BREW" button

Up until today I had failed to properly complete each of these steps at least once (not all at the same time), except for number six - swinging the coffee-holding-cone closed. That is until today. Today I left it creaking in the wind like the doors to a saloon in a western ghost town.The sound of water splashing on the floor eventually clued me in to my mistake.

Life list "Screw Up Coffee Every Possible Way" - Completed!

A Long and Rinding Road

It's amzing what you can do with a blueberry, a toothpick, and several dozen lemons and limes. Don't try this at home.

Now's the time, the time is now, to ramble on...

What is the statute of limitations on helping your friends move?

I'm 38 years old now. Back when my friends and I were younger (say, 20), moving was mostly a matter of throwing a couch, a coffee table, and a couple of garbage bags full of dirty laundry on a pickup truck and badda-bing, badda-boom you're moved. How old do you and your friends have to be, or how much money do you have to have, before it's no longer appropriate for you to ask each other for help moving?

By the time a guy reaches my advanced age, he tends to either be homeless or have a whole lot of stuff. There's very little middle ground. Even if he has cheap stuff, he probably has a lot of it. Unless he lives on a boat. But if he lives on a boat moving mostly takes care of itself, doesn't it? Anyway, my point is this: moving, say, all your stuff, plus your wife's stuff, plus the stuff related to your two children is a lot of work. Is it acceptable to ask your friends to help with this kind of epic mobilization?

There's also a kind of insidious inverse ratio at work here. The older you get, the more stuff you have to move and the less willing and able you are to move stuff - even the stuff you would have if you weren't as old as you are.

So people. If you have a lot of stuff, and your friends are old, and you have the financial resources to do so then please HIRE SOME FUCKING MOVERS YOU CHEAP BASTARDS!

Katrina Media Coverage

Since the Katrina disaster, I've been somewhat obsessed with the news from New Orleans and the gulf coast. I'm annoyed by some of the pundits and talking heads who simply don't seem to appreciate the massive scale of the damage. This usually comes out as criticism of FEMA and other Federal agencies. Am I alone in realizing that this disaster is an order of magnitude bigger than any other in the history of this country? Do people really think that the federal government can swoop down and provide a million meals a day overnight? The Federal government is not a bottomless well from which the resources to replace AN ENTIRE CITY can instantly spring.

I watched Cynthia Tucker on Real Time with Bill Mahr last night lay the entire blame for the disaster at the feet of FEMA. No action from the Federal Government could have prevented the massive suffering of refugees from an entire American city. Does Ms. Tucker, or anyone else, suppose that there's 100,000 federal employees just standing by ready for a disaster ten, or a hundred, times bigger than anything this country has ever seen? People who believe this are the same kind of people who don't bother to even do as much as keep a few gallons of emergency drinking water on hand, and instead expect 911 to swoop down and protect them from any harm.

Most of the blame should be directed at New Orleans and their levee board. This kind of disaster has been predicted for generations. And the city did not invest enough to protect itself. Now the US taxpayers are going to be stuck with a bill of approximately $2000 per family to help rebuild a city that should have taken care of itself. There are those who blame Congress for not allocating enough money for New Orleans levee improvement. The tax payers, however, should not be responsible for providing for the safety of every homeowner, no matter how precarious the location of their home. If your city wants to develop a flood plain, your CITY should pay for the protect of that development.

More immediately, blame for the lack of evacuation from poor New Orleans neighborhoods and general preparedness belongs to the Mayor of New Orleans. You might not know it to hear Ray Nagin screaming at FEMA, but the city did, in fact, have a plan for evacuating the city, including mass transit resources for evacuating residents without the means to evacuate themselves. When questioned about why the plan was never put into action, the mayor defended himself by saying that that most of the bus drivers walked off the job as the storm approached. Mitigating the enormous human suffering had to start with local evacuation plans and emergency planning.

I have other complaints with the news coverage. Tucker Carlson on The Situation complained that National Guard troupes were seen standing near the bodies of victims without moving them. Bodies can not simply be swept off the street by whoever happens to be standing near them. The scene must be handled by trained coroners in order to collect all possible forensic data about the person's identity and the exact cause of death. It's a tragedy that these limited resources were overwhelmed by Katrina but taking shots at the National Guard who performed fantastically in the wake of the storm is simply not justified.

There's more than enough blame to go around. And it's a crime that there are so many innocent people trapped in the middle of it all. Please think of them and donate to the Red Cross .

Anticipation... it's making me wait...

I'm constipated. The brick in my colin has it's own inertia. When I stop walking, the brick keeps going and takes my balance with it. It's a good thing I'm not responsible for The Daily Download, because I'd have a week of dead air. You know it's bad when you start canceling social engagements so you can stay home with your poop.