Clean Between the Lines

Lately I've been studying the personal ads on Craig's List. Reading the personals is true detective work: how do you take mere threads, nay - scraps of threads, of data and turn them into some vague resemblance of a person's physical attributes, mental faculties, and life experience?

 

One thing I can't figure out, though, is what people mean when they say they're looking for someone "clean". Must be CLEAN. What percentage of my external body needs to be free of debris?  Does it mean that if I, like, wash my hair, trim my belly button lint, but thumb my nose at the puritanical social norms of our day and refuse to sandblast my ear canals that I am still unclean? And what I really want to know is who the guy is that's sitting around in his jammies reading ads and thinking "Oh, she wants clean? Damn.. can't reply to that one.." as he goes back to cultivating the mushrooms growing between his toes.

 

Neil Young wrote the ultimate personal ad when he penned "A Man Needs a Maid". If only he wasn't so concerned with finding someone clean, he could have gotten a "Cowgirl in the Sand".