16 October 2005

School Board Says Moon Full of Holes

Assassinated Press
October 16, 2005

DOOFER, PA - The Board of Education in Doofer, Pennsylvania announced today during a public meeting that the controversy surrounding the NASA moon landings of the 1960s and 70s would be taught as part of the 9th grade history curriculum when classes resume after the Christmas break. Patty Bryson, the acting chairperson, told reporters and parents that a committee formed last year to investigate the ongoing controversy had recommended the changes to be adopted by the board.

It's widely accepted as fact that NASA conducted a series of six moon landings starting with Apollo 11 in July, 1969 and concluding with Apollo 17 in December, 1972. Controversy has lingered since the 1970s, however, with some researchers claiming that the moon missions were staged and that no man has made the more than 200,000 mile journey to the lunar surface. Indeed, skeptics insist, the missions require technology that could not have existed in the 1960s and does not exist today. In recent years several books claiming to offer proof of a NASA conspiracy have gained widespread popularity.

Several parents organized into a group calling itself "Parents For Truth" in July, 2004 - ironically, the 35th anniversary of the first lunar mission, according to NASA historians - to petition the board to investigate perceived inconsistencies in the NASA story. The group claims that evidence supporting the existence of actual lunar missions has gaps that could not be explained and that students should be made aware of the these gaps. Melanie Spokes, speaking on behalf of the group, said in a statement that "the children of Doofer deserve the best possible education and should therefor be allowed to hear both sides of any issue where controversy exists".

The investigative committee formed by the board of education spent seven months reviewing all available evidence and data. Their research included the review of thousands of archival images; transcripts of mission communications; mission planning materials and programs; a comprehensive geological survey of more than 800 pounds of material NASA says it returned from the moon; and extensive interviews with Apollo mission astronauts, ground control personnel and program managers. The committee also examined research conducted by several proponents of the "Moon Landing Hoax Theory", most notably Charles T. Hawkins, author of "How America Faked the Moon Landings". The book is widely condemned by scientists but has nevertheless touched a nerve with the public. Hawkins has stated that "NASA's responses to his hoax allegation would be outrageously funny if they were not such a serious issues for the entire world's scientific well being". A supporter of the Hoax Theory was quoted as saying "There are probably over 500 different pieces of evidence proving how NASA could have faked the moon landings". Jim Dickle, a committee member and parent of a Doofer High School sophomore, said "we have taken every itty bitty piece of available data into account and have concluded that there is no proof that Americans have actually landed on the moon". Mr. Dickle pointed out that first hand accounts from people alleged to have actually been on the moon are suspiciously scarce, adding that he personally didn't know anyone who claimed to have been.

A number of parents at the meeting expressed outrage, claiming that virtually no scientists or historians doubted that the moon landings actually took place. They pointed to what they characterized as overwhelming physical evidence including the Lunar Range Finding experiments which calculate the distance to the moon by reflecting a laser beam from a set of mirrors allegedly left on the lunar surface and moon rock samples that they say could not have been produced on earth.

The board took note of the objections but defended the new curriculum by saying that students would not actually be taught the "Moon Landing Hoax Theory", but would instead "...be read a disclaimer reminding students that a controversy exists and that they should keep an open mind while critically reviewing all sides of any theory".

15 October 2005

Chickens don't know geometry

It's midnight and I haven't eaten since breakfast. I run down to the 24 hour squat'n shop and get me an 8-piece tub of grocery store fried chicken. Upon my return home, I open the tub and remove 3 pieces of grocery store fried chicken - one juicy leg and both flightless wings. I try to return the tub to it's original closed and secure position, but it won't close. Conclusion: 5 pieces of grocery store fried chicken require greater tub volume than 8 pieces.

07 October 2005

Cleanup on aisle five

Here I am meandering through the many galleries around Pioneer Square with my mom and my aunt who are visiting from out of town. They like gallery stalking, and I'm okay with browsing too. My mom shops art the way she'd hunt for a bargain at K-Mart. "Ooo.. $5500.. I don't think so.. nope!", wet with sarcasm. "Oh.. $90,000? Not today, I don't think!". She makes some comment about the price for possibly 3/4th of the pieces she looks at. I'm wondering if she's only looking at the prices - if the art is of any consequence at all.

I'm looking at some picture in the front of a gallery and I hear this loud ka-BANG-BOOM and look up to see that my mom, in the back of the gallery, has taken the top off of a $14,000, beautifully carved, wooden box with a difficult to miss "DO NOT TOUCH" sign on it- AND DROPPED IT. I wonder what would even possess her to want to take the top off? Did she think there was more carving inside? Did she think they were hiding another piece in there? I stepped away from the picture I was looking at - slowly - and slipped out the door as quietly as possible.

I guess I shouldn't be dreading spending time with my own dear mother, but can't seem to stop myself.

04 October 2005

Dover's Darwin

Charles Darwin's most recent judicial challenge began last week in Dover Pennsylvania. It's nothing new. Darwin's litigation history goes back to the Scopes trial in 1925 and includes two US Supreme Court rulings that strongly support the status of the Theory of Evolution as the prevailing theory on the origins of life and, more importantly, declare creation theories to be purely sectarian concepts and therefor not fit for government support via public education under the 1st amendment.

The new attack in Dover rests on an idea called "Intelligent Design" ("ID"). It's a simple idea, really. It states, in short, that aspects of evolution theory are too complicated to have happened through natural selection and random mutation and are therefor attributable only to an "Intelligent Designer", which any Intelligent Reader can only interpret as being " God".

While there have indeed been several pseudo-science papers and books published in support of Intelligent Design, none of these have held up under peer review, or stood up under the scrutiny of the standard practices of scientific validation. It's optimistic to call scientific support for ID anemic.

Darwin's Theory of Evolution, in contrast, has been tested and refined continuously for over 140 years. Although research continues to investigate the exact mechanisms of evolution, biologists are virtually unanimous in believing that all life evolved from a single common ancestor over billions of years. That evolution occurred is as much of a ' fact' as anything we think we know can be.

It's clear then that ID can not stand on equal terms with evolution in a science classroom. Although unlikely, ID proponents may one day elevate their hypothosis to the standards of scientific theory. But until then, every rational observer must agree that a 9th grade science class is not an appropriate venue for the testing and evaluation of new ideas about such weighty subjects as the very origin of life.

So why is the ID movement fighting so hard to gain a foothold in public education? Having been unable to gain ground in the science world they now seek to make converts out of impressionable children. They are so fervent in their spiritual beliefs that they'd sooner see Noah's Ark float on the flooded wreckage of hundreds of years of science than to even acknowledge the overwhelming scientific evidence supporting evolution.

The ID movement is, quite simply, using children as pawns in their game of politics. ID followers like to picture their 'Designer' as being moral and just, and yet their tactics hardly seem worthy of such an image.

03 October 2005

Talk About the Weather

Weather report for the "Grey's Anatomy" rendition of Seattle last night? Rain. Torrential downpour.