23 October 2008

Lipstick on a Pig?

As recently reported, Sarah Palin has spent $150,000 of Republican National Committee money for clothes. This is approximately $2300 for each day she's been on the ticket. For clothes. Things like red leather jackets and cute glasses. These people, Palin and McCain, are asking to manage the budget of the United States; to wrangle the financial mess we've gotten ourselves into and bring in a new age of fiscal responsibility. Did I mention that Sarah Palin spent $150,000 on clothes?

Obama/Biden '08... because smart people are real people too!

19 September 2008

Sarah Palin - Sekurity Eggspurt

As you may have heard by now, Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin's personal e-mail account on Yahoo was recently hacked. You can google for details if you're interested.
Her account wasn't hacked from some evil liberal Yahoo insider, nor was there a Yahoo bug to exploit; Sarah wasn't kidnapped and forced to reveal her personal secrets while being water boarded. No, instead she used password reminder questions for which the answers were readily available on her Wikipedia page. In other words, user error. An inability to follow infant-simple security policies.

Does it bother you that the woman who may soon be a heart beat away from managing the national security interests of the most powerful country on earth can't even manage her Yahoo password?

22 March 2008

God Bless Ski Shop Dudes

I bought new skis online and they arrived with unmounted bindings on Thursday evening and I was due to leave for Utah on Saturday. On Friday morning I called the ski shop dudes and they told me they were backed up until Monday. The dude sounded a little like mexican border patrol (that is to say bribeable) so I offered to buy the shop pizza if they'd squeeze me in. The dude said "that'll work", so I brought my stuff down there that evening. They said they'd do them for me in about 15 minutes and I walked across the street to Dominos. I paid $20.53 for the biggest pepperoni pizza they had and some coke. When I brought them the pizza, the shop guys were stoked! They're all like, "thanks dude, that's really cool dude, bitchen!"; shit like that. I pulled out my credit card to pay, and the 20 year old shop dude is like, "on the house, bro... oh, and we waxed them for ya too". They charge $20 to mount bindings and $10 for a quick wax. So I got $30 worth of service for $20.53 worth of pizza... and they put me at the head of the line AND they all thanked me for letting them do it!
Ski shop dudes. A breed apart.

06 November 2007

Get a Clue!

There are two questions that bookend most of my relationships with women. The first, in the very beginning, is "are you a good kisser?" The second, asked several times over the final two or three months of the relationship, is "can you take a hint?"
The latter usually follows the former so quickly that I have yet to secure a reliable answer to either question.

05 November 2007

Silicon Solicitation?

If you're a guy working for a west coast technology company, you'll know that internet surfing on your phone has replaced the long-honored tradition of newspaper reading while doing your business. This afternoon I was in a men's room stall, minding my own business, when I noticed that the guy in the stall next to me was clicking on his wireless device in rhythmic patterns. As I listened, my head cocked like a confused puppy, some bleeps and boops chimed in and it made a "Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind" sort of sound. The sound stopped and I noticed I'd been kind of tapping my foot with the music I stopped and self-consciencely slid my foot back deeper into my stall. Silence. And then the small LCD display of a noisy wireless device appeared below the stalls divider! I could only inerperpret the image on the screen to be of a sexually solicitous nature!! And so I tell you, responsible reader, to be wary of the surfer next door!

I was tempted to type "POLICE: STEP OUT OF THE STALL" on mine and slide it back. But I decided to just tap out this blog entry instead. Excuse me now, my business here is complete.

This fictional account was inspired by the alleged behavior involving a prominent public figure, a mens room, and a cop.

04 November 2007

Kraft - real food for real people

Turns out bottles of Kraft parmasian cheese actually have an experation date. Who knew?

15 October 2007


Today was underwear buying day. I don't really like buying new underwear, but I force myself to do it once a decade, whether I need to or not. I would buy underwear more often, but I know there is nothing coming out of my body toxic enough to damage the hearty American cotton fabric. Also, it takes a good 3 or 4 years before the waistband curves around my gut JUST right. I have no idea why they don't make gut-fit underwear in the first place. The packages I was looking at today all featured super-human-like muscle-bound 20-somethings. On the back of each is a helpful size chart; M for waist size such and such, etc. But there's no measurements or photos of this product being worn by 40-somethings with, well, a few extra pounds! That's the picture I really want to see on the front! Well, not REALLY, but I don't really want to see the male super-model either. It would be cool if they had, like, a picture of the Victoria Secret model who prefers men in this particular product on the front; and then maybe a chub-chart on the back. Anything to make buying men's underwear less homoerotic, basically, would be a step in the right direction. Maybe this is the reason you often see women buying underwear for men. Sometimes you see men buying underwear for women, but probably just because the pictures are a lot easier on the eyes.